Waving The White Flag

So in my last Sunday Night Chit Chat post I mentioned I had done something nice for BF. Some times in life you have to do things you don't want to in order to make your spouse happy.

BF has a friend I do not like at all!!! It was something that built up over time and the end result being that we do not occupy the same space ever. We have run into said friend a few times a couple years ago and it was clear that we were not about to exchange hugs and smiles.

At one point his friend expressed that he was worried about his friendship with BF. He told BF that it was important to have him in his life and he was afraid that  the two of us not getting along would cause problems. He was worried BF would walk away from the friendship.

I told BF that we didn't always have to like the same people. I would never stand in the way of him being friends with somebody unless I thought that person was critical of our relationship or genuinely a "bad influence". The fact that I didn't like his friend and didn't want to be around him should not stop BF from spending time with him away from me.

While we were living in BC this friend came to visit a few times but stayed other places than our home. He also became good friends with BF's brother in this time. When we moved to QC it was uncomfortable for me to learn that he was spending a lot of time with my BIL. Now the boys get together about once weekly for "boys night". A few times they needed an extra for a card game or something and I declined. BF seemed ok with the arrangement but I knew in my heart that it wasn't the best situation for him. It was sort of understood that we were not interested in hanging out together.

Last weekend the family was all planning to hang out in BIL's garage (the family get together spot) in about an hours time. Then the friend called BF and said he was heading to the garage too. It put a damper on things for me. I almost decided not to go. Then as BF was leaving to go next door I looked at him and my heart softened a little. Out the window I saw his friend arrive and go into the garage.

I decided to put my big girl panties on. I packed up some snacks for everyone, made myself a drink and headed on over. When I got in the garage I started setting up the snacks. I greeted my FIL and BF. I started walking towards his friend when he turned away. I looked back at BF who seemed to sense what was happening. He motioned to me to press on and so I did. I walked up and said "hello" and we exchanged the classes Quebec hug and kisses on the cheek. Then I added a "it's nice to see you".

I can't say the evening was comfortable for me. While we didn't talk we did smile and laugh at each others jokes. At some point my SIL and MIL pulled me in the house to show me the bathroom renovations and then plan out the Christmas menu and assign meal tasks. So that kept me away for awhile which was a relief. In house I confessed to them what I had just done and then my SIL told me that she too had issues with the friend. They both thought it was great though that I had decided to take the first step.

Later I returned to the garage and sat with my FIL and my nephews. About 30 minutes later the friend decided to leave. Before he left he came over and said good-bye and exchanged a hug and kisses again. He looked happy and so I took that to be a good sign.

At home that night BF had a big grin on his face. He said it was probably just as awkward for his friend as it was for me since it's been so long that we've communicated. He was surprised and happy that I had gone over and done that. I told him I just felt that it was important to be civil.

In the end I do feel better. It's way nicer to just smile and be nice than it is to avoid each other like the plague. I love BF and I know that friendships are important for any person. BF is an amazing guy with a big heart but seems to have problems making new friends. I suspect it's because the majority of his friends he has had his whole life. I know his friend struggles with some deeper issues and has had a hard go. I also feel he is in a different stage of his life than we are. Still, it would bother me greatly if BF disliked one of my friends and it was hard for them to be in the same room together. So Rome wasn't built in a day. Maybe we won't ever be buddies. Out of love and respect for BF though I am prepared to give it a go.

Have you ever struggled with one of your companions friends?